^{Credit: Moana (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)}

“You’re welcome” is something that John Musker, Ron Clements, Jared Bush, and Lin-Manuel Miranda can all say concerning Moana. Through research, rewrites, and a passion to put a fresh spin on familiar tropes, they created something special with the 2016 film. The same can’t be said about the executives who green-lit this remake. Say what you will about their other live-action remakes, but at least Disney waited more than twenty years to rehash Lilo & Stitch. Moana is only nine years and eight months old. It isn’t dated. There’s nothing a remake can add. Since Moana remains one of the most-watched films on Disney+, though, the Mouse figured that audiences would pay to see it again.

To discuss the story seems pointless, as you know it verbatim. If you dig deep enough, maybe you’ll find a few differences. They omitted the Twitter reference, which makes sense since it became X between movies. Even by live-action Disney remake standards, though, this is probably the closest they’ve come to Psycho (1998). This isn’t to say that Moana is an all-time low for these remakes. Snow White’s CGI dwarfs, Pinocchio referencing Chris Pine, and photorealistic Simba blankly mourning Mufasa remain bottom of the barrel. I didn’t experience anger watching Moana, but I ultimately felt nothing.  

It isn’t even the fact that this is another shot-for-shot remake. I fairly enjoyed DreamWorks’ How to Train Your Dragon remake last year, although that film had more going for it. Director Dean DeBlois had a better understanding of the Dragon universe, knowing how to translate this world and its characters into live-action. Thomas Kail helms the Moana remake. While he’s worked on some phenomenal stage musicals like Hamilton, Kail is out of his element in this green screen-heavy production. Even when we see glimpses of the choreography that helped make Hamilton a hit, Kail’s shots are crowded with so much CG that it’s hard to make out what’s going on.

Given the amount of CG backdrops and creatures, Moana would barely meet the criteria of a live-action remake if not for Catherine Laga'aia as the titular heroine and Dwayne Johnson reprising his role as Maui. Unfortunately, this brings us to another issue. Laga'aia has a lovely singing voice, with her rendition of “How Far I’ll Go” being a highlight. The entire soundtrack is actually pretty solid, which is more than can be said about the Beauty and the Beast remake. As far as acting goes, though, it isn’t surprising that this is Laga'aia’s first role. Despite her best efforts, she has one expression that rarely shifts for much of the film. Laga'aia not only struggles to compete with her far more emotive animated counterpart, but you could sense Auliʻi Cravalho’s charisma in the recording booth.

Come to think of it, why didn’t they bring Cravalho back for this remake? Yeah, she isn’t a teenager anymore, but we bought her as a high school junior in the Mean Girls musical two years ago. If you’re gonna have Johnson reprise his role, why not the OG Moana as well? Yet, even Johnson, who should know this role inside and out by now, feels lost as Maui. Part of that’s because of the Spirit of Halloween wig and Disney on Ice bodysuit. Beyond that, Johnson just seems tired here. Money aside, I’m willing to wager that one of the reasons Disney fast-tracked this remake is because Johnson will soon be too old to play an immortal demigod. Now in his 50s, that time may’ve already passed.  

The only performer who really nails it is Rena Owen as Gramma Tala, although if you’ve seen the original, you know she doesn’t stick around long. Virtually all of the other issues with Disney’s live-action remakes are present here. Animal sidekicks like Heihei were clearly designed for animation, looking distracting in live-action. Environments that once appeared stunning now have much of the color and life sucked out, making it painfully evident which scenes were shot on sound stages. While there are no changes that’ll offend fans of the original, there are so few risks taken here that Moana 2 looks like a trailblazer by comparison. Maybe if your kids love the animated film, they won’t mind essentially seeing it again. For me, it’s a no thank you.

Nick Spake is the Author of Bright & Shiny: A History of Animation at Award Shows Volumes 1, 2, and 3. Available Now!